i miss you at midnight

the night seem to share my melancholy disposition. rain poured relentlessly. gradually ceasing close to midnight. adamant to go for our late night walk be it rain, storm or parent. a ritual which we never miss.

we head for the park hand in hand. we walked like how snails would crawl. seemed a lifetime getting there but we love to take our time. found a patch of grass under a tree dry enough to sit . sitting crosslegged we gazed at the cosmos still covered by the persistent clouds.

hoping to count stars, i gave a sigh and said "no, stars tonight"

"don't worry. those little twinkles never dissapoint" you said with a smile.

"aren't you the possessor of superior optimism. i wish i have those"

silence. one of those comfortable silences. like how uma thurman's character described it in pulp fiction. i love comfortable silences. they make a good dramatic comeback of conversation. proved to be of good effect, everytime.

"will you forget me when you're away?" with a slight tone of hopelessness.

"of course i won't" sternly stamping your assurance "i have the memory of an elephant"

"thank god, not the body" laughing out loud and expecting a slap. smack! there you go. not a second too late. "yes, i deserved that" rubbing my arm slowly burning.

"fate's not letting that happen to us" sheer optimism accompanies your ever radiant smile. "i'm going to keep coming back to you, like a marauding elephant"

i laughed at the cutest analogy ever.

"but, fate's a kid with an antfarm" trying hard to break down the overflow of optimism.

"isn't that from constantine or something?" you asked with an eyebrow raised and a few squints of the eye.

"of course not. i come up with my own stuff"

"look! a star" almost screaming.

you pointed at a star. emerging from the blanket of clouds. dim but twinkling, nonetheless.

"i told you stars never dissapoint" beaming "like a star i'm coming back no matter what. i won't leave you like how the stars never leave the night skies"

i smiled in and out. if that is possible. it's those little things you do that makes me miss you at midnight.

i don't love you,
but, perhaps i do,
for how do i explain my longing,
for you, in the morning, the noon, the evening,
at midnight.

cookies on the way for the milk

tis' the new year. not a new me. i like current me (wanted to say old me). very much.

not one to conform. being anomalous has its non-perquisites. after rebelling for long, one will succumb to the common norm inevitably. i for one am a rebel (i think). unlike last year i have no concrete resolutions. by having resolutions i think i would restrict myself to achieve one thing when it is possible to achieve two at once. like going for the milk bottle at the end of the aisle when i could have gotten myself cookies on the way. milk and cookies is better than just milk.

initially this was my list and it does not make sense.

now, this is the revised actual list.

1. keep on top of schedules and prioritize!
2. eat healthy. drink water more. less fast food. less carbonated drinks.
3. value life. appreciate friends.

hope it sticks. happy new year, me.

cross my heart and kiss my elbow

woke up like the morning person i am. perky, non-chalant and very manly. sat down with coffee in hand and found out breakfast at tiffany's was on. fixated for the duration of the movie. the adorable audrey hepburn performance is pleasant to wake up to. i loved it how she tried convincing the librarian saying "cross my heart and kiss my elbow"

justine is leaving in a few days. for that, made a frame and used acrylics on it, drew her picture and an action-heroine's handbook for her going away present. i think it is not even half as sweet as my bat logo shirt she gave me. nobody is going to toussle up my hair now. will miss her. so much.

i am out of books. a trip to kinokuniya should be in the works. deprived of books going into the new year is not on my resolutions list.

happy christmas & merry new year

earlier in the month followed justine to do her christmas shopping at ikea. i did not know selecting a color for the christmas tree is such a dilemma. no, my opinion does not matter too. have not been there for a while, it is always nice to be "home". the furnishing in the 2008 catalogue looks good enough to eat. i am contemplating moving out into my own place next year.

spending time with justine seemed customary nowadays. spent christmas eve with her and played truth or dare until the wee hours of the morning. i swear my eye bags are as big as santa's bag the next day.

like how she reads it. happy christmas and merry new year everyone!

remember, remember

remember, remember the fifth of november,
the gunpowder, treason and plot,
i know of no reason
why gunpowder treason
should ever be forgot.

remembered that flurry of v's in v for vendetta by the excellent hugo weaving. there are exactly 50 v's mentioned. cannot help but marvel at alan moore's writing.



finally completed the online portfolio final assignment. not exactly "it" yet. considering it as temporary. view at www.khairulzariq.tk

the week that was

apologies for the non-update. as well as the constant vicissitudes of my layout. the blog feels like a chameleon i bet. due to work, i continue neglecting the quintessential things. fresh outtakes keeps me interested.

earlier in the week, spend the day at starbucks looking to get inspired. sat in the middle of everything looking out through the glass window as the rain poured. the mise en scène never fails to enthrall me.

thurday, spared some time to watch shoot em' up. an interesting shoot em' up (literally) flick. heard of 'death by carrots' before? thought so too. reminded me of clive owen's character in the bmw films. hilarious one liners between him and giamatti. later at 10, caught hujan's set at laundry. tried looking for people i know. but t'was impossible. the crowd was a mob. nonetheless, a nice way to end the day.

had a walk about town with the boys today. got myself a scarf thing. that is what i am naming it. should look up ways to tie it on the net. feeling like a kid with a new toy or maybe just a bit scarfy?

sorry, i'm too hollywood for you, right now

busy. busy as a bee would be an understatement. even after almost a week of celebrating eid. i am still thinking of work. got used to saying "sorry, i'm too hollywood for you, right now" to everyone.

the first batch of work is settled. thoroughly happy with the resulting design and printing. received compliments from the lecturers all throughout the development stages. so many that i felt bad not giving them compliments in return. blush.

watched movies. at least twice a day. a reward system i implement, upon completing work. first, the bourne ultimatum. dubbed the thinking man 's action movie. a good watch. so good that if it was a cake it would have chocolate and triple layers of cheese. amelie was next. forgot how many times i have watched it. the most adorable face close-up that celluloid can offer.

finally done with reading, the road by cormac mccarthy. a oprah book club selection (no it is not why i chose the book). the review was good and it did not dissappoint me. about a father and his young son in a post-apocalyptic setting.

and then later in the darkness: can i ask you something?

yes. of course you can.

what would you do if i died?

if you died, i'd want to die too.

so you could be with me?

yes. so i could be with you.

okay.

sad and moving. a wonderful read. poetic even how the paragraphs are arranged. definitely recommended.